Following a divorce, it’s common for co-parents to feel they are starting from scratch. Acknowledging the difficulty, hurt, and pain is important – and it’s also important to try and acknowledge the new possibilities. Instead of thinking, “wow, this sucks, now I have to start from scratch.” You can try to reframe and think, “wow, this is hard AND I get to start from scratch. Starting from scratch can mean reaching goals and interests that have been left untouched for years. If you were married for some time you may have started doing things the way your ex did them, for good or for bad. Other unhelpful habits couples get into are avoiding difficult conversations about money and postponing plans or goals.
The first step is to reframe your mindset after a divorce…
The good news is you don’t have to follow someone else’s way of doing things anymore because you have the chance to START FROM SCRATCH. One of our favorite exercises we do with our co-parents is to write a break-up letter, to THEMSELVES! In the break-up letter we have them identify the old money habits that will no longer serve them. In their break-up letter, we encourage them to share why they are done with certain behaviors. The breakup letter is a great way to get everything out on paper from the past you want to either forget, learn from or change.
In order for us to create the future we want, we have to be willing to reflect on the past and take inventory of where we are. We must be willing to learn how to help reframe our mindset after a divorce
When you think about the areas you want to change, ask yourself, “where did I feel stress in the past?”
Some examples might be:
- Checking bank accounts because my ex would spend everything we made each month
- The 5th of the month because I knew rent was due and I had to ask my ex to make sure it was paid
- Getting bills in the mail and needing to intercept them so my ex wouldn’t yell at me for what I had spent on the credit card
Learn how to help reframe your mindset after a divorce
Instead of thinking, “now I am forced to have to rebuild,” think of it as, “now I have the opportunity to rebuild things the way I want them to look.”
- Now, YOU get to write the script for your money story.
- YOU get to make the decisions on what is possible!
- YOU get to create the future YOU wanted and YOU get to make it happen!
Now that you GET to Start from scratch after your divorce…
What has you most excited? What areas are you most fearful about? Take time to think about these questions. If you want more strategies and tools similar to this, check out our online course Parent Team Course . If you want to schedule a time to map out how rebuilding might look for you please reach out. Send us an email or use this link to schedule a one on one session. We are here to support your journey and we can’t wait to hear how your future looks!